i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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