omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
