Sry I called you an 8
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
