i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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