God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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