My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
