I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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