Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
