ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
