clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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