Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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