The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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