I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
