I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
