You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
