if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
