Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
