A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
