I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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