sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
