he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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