They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
