What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
