We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
