Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
