I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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