i already hear my dad disowning me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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