Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
