once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
