I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
