Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
