Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
