Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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