dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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