i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
