We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
