i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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