I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
