one two three fourrrrnication!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
