I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize