She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
