I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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