3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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