So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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