The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
