I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I faked an abortion last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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