There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
