Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
