you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
