and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize