I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
