So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
