dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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