I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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