i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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