Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
