So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
