I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
