My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
