hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
