I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
