I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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