a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
