there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
